Empowerment Through Self Awareness
New Year’s Resolutions Revisited
Many of us resolve to eat less, exercise more and visit with friends or family in the coming year. Bert Hellinger looks at resolution as a process that includes truth, order, and acceptance.
As an example, if I am overweight, through three-dimensional mapping we can set up my family of origin and see who could not take sustenance, and who I am loyally “helping” when I overeat. I can share my feelings of helplessness and deprivation with my ancestor who could not find regular work or food during the depression. That ancestor can tell me it was his fate, and not mine, so I am not “helping” anyone when I overindulge. He can tell me how life went on in spite of difficult times and how I am the product of that life. I can be reminded that by living well I honor him, and all my ancestors. In this way I see (and feel in my gut and my soul) that my overeating was done out of love, as well as a connection to those who came before me, and that there are better ways to love and honor my ancestors. In this way I can make sense of my overindulgence, and feel the strength of my family, instead of the emptiness of my belly.
So don’t be too hard on yourself if your getting to resolution is sluggish. Maybe the systemic nervous system of your family has a hand in the habit you’d like to reform, and maybe a wider lens is needed to understand just how your issue with weight, exercise, relationships, or success relates to love and loyalty. A constellation could be just the thing to bring you a new perspective and lasting resolution in the New Year, so happy 2011!
Secrets, tragedy, and estrangement are common fare in most families. Family Constellation work is an uncommon way, at least here in the United States, to reframe the family dynamics so resolutions can be found and reconciliation can be forged.
What if you could see the events that shaped your ancestors beliefs and created the behaviors that push you away? What if, instead of taking their behavior personally, you could see that they are drawn toward death, stuck in fear, or filled with anger that seems to have no end? What if you could also see how this came to be and what needs to change so everyone can breathe and be at peace?
There is a way. In a Family Constellation Workshop, representatives stand in for family members who are relevant but may be troubled, ill, victimized or even dead. Others stand in for spouses, siblings, and parents. As each finds their place in relation to other members, the energy of each relationship and that of the whole is illuminated. Patterns that repeat themselves are clear, hidden loyalties come to light, and ways of loving that are harmful suddenly make some sort of sense. From this springs resolution. Secrets are spoken aloud, tragedies are acknowledged, and unhealthy ways of loving are reviewed and re-ordered. Suddenly everyone has a place in the family, and that place supports each member.
Most often people say the work brought them a peace they had never known before. Others say the work transformed their relationship with someone they love – a sibling, parent, spouse or child. Others change their relationship to abundance, money, living well, loving well. No one leaves unchanged.
For more information on upcoming workshops in the San Diego area, see the events page. If you prefer a workshop in Texas, Chicago or St Louis, please email me at Tina@Phasetransition.biz for links to upcoming workshops across the United States.
Because essential oils can influence our emotions, aromatherapy can help to soothe irritable nerves and generally encourage a better state of mind. It has been discovered that relaxing oils such as clary sage, clove, lavender, patchouli and vetiver work by stimulating brain chemicals that naturally help induce relaxation and sleep. This action makes these oils so valuable in relieving long-term conditions such as stress, tension and poor sleep.
Known for its uplifting and mood-lightening attributes, clary sage is also widely used by those wishing to be calm. Its affects have been described as relaxing, warming and euphoric. Noted expert Robert Tisserand has studied clary sage for its mood-enhancing properties during massage.
Clove is much more than a popular cooking spice. It is a favorite for its ability to stimulate sluggish circulation, promote digestion and aid metabolism. Clove oil contains ingredients that help stabilize blood circulation and regulate body temperature. Clove oil, applied outwardly, has stimulating effects on the skin, producing heat and redness.  It is also a powerful antioxidant.
Lavender has been cherished for its unmistakable aroma and its therapeutic properties for thousands of years. Lavender is widely used and accepted for its calming and relaxing qualities, especially at bedtime.
Patchouli oil has an easily recognizable rich musky-sweet fragrance. It can have a grounding, balancing effect on the emotions while providing excellent mood support. Patchouli is also widely used for wounds and tissue repair, as well as in skin care preparations for these same properties.
Vetiver is noted for its rich, exotic, and complex aroma. Used extensively in perfumes as a base note and fixative, vetiver’s woody, earthy scent complements many other essential oils. Vetiver also has many therapeutic uses, including as an antioxidant and to bring clarity to the mind. Vetiver essential oil is said to be deeply relaxing and comforting.
So how can you benefit from the mood enhancing properties of one or more of these essential oils? Add a few drops of a therapeutic grade oil to Epsom Salts, place them in a soothing bath and have a relaxing soak. Or put three or four drops on a cotton ball, tissue or handkerchief then inhale. For broader affect, put a few drops in a pot of water on the stove, and then turn on the heat until it gently steams. Do not leave the pot unattended.
A word of caution: while most herbs have little or no harmful side effects, some herbs may cause slightly undesirable reactions in some persons. Therefore, try only one herb at a time, beginning in small doses and wait and watch for side effects. If there are none, increase the use cautiously. Also, not all herbal applications are effective in every case in every person. And in no case should these be used as substitutes for professional medical attention in emergencies or serious chronic diseases.
Many companies produce essential oils, so how do you know which one will work best for you? Health Fairs are a great place to compare oils, prices and the producer’s philosophies. Tester bottles at health food stores can also give you an idea of what an oil smells like, but keep in mind these bottles may have been open for some time, and may have been subjected to extreme temperatures. A fresh bottle may smell differently. Any product marked “therapeutic grade essential oil” meets the standards of Association French Normalization Organization Regulation and adopted by the International Standards Organization. Find the scent that is most relaxing to you and enjoy!