Phase Transition, Inc

Empowerment Through Self Awareness

Tag Archives: Better Health

Stuck in Between

Did you ever feel stuck between two emotions, or two options with no idea of how to move forward? If so, you are not alone. It happens to most of us at one time or another. So what can be done to get “unstuck”?

A colleague of mine uses the “two chair” approach. Whichever emotion or option has more depth or conviction gets chair one. The second approach gets chair two. Sitting in chair one, make all the statements that support the stronger emotion or option. Then switch to chair two and show you heard what was said in chair one, followed by any reaction you have to what was said. What fears come up? What wasn’t taken into account? Finally, state the case for the second emotion or option. If you feel overpowered by the first option, state that, but make sure option two gets an equal chance to be completely explored. Maybe rebuttal is appropriate. If so, back to chair one, to show you heard chair two’s position, and to state the rebuttal. Keep switching chairs until everything relevant has been spoken. Yes…you are doing this out loud, so notice if you are wimpy, whiny or bullying, and when. This may give you a clue as to why you are feeling stuck.

Why does this work? Hopes and fears lie behind emotions, and emotions drive our choice of options. Getting in touch with the strong fears and the secret hopes allows us to see the whole picture. We can give fear it’s proper place, and give hope a chance. Doing the exercise by yourself gives you the freedom to say everything you need to without fear of judgment. No one is listening but you.

This is the second key…you must listen. By listening to yourself advocate for each option or emotion, you’ll get a sense of what the stronger position is, what’s driven by fear, and where compromise is possible or necessary.

Noticing is key as well. You are watching two sides of your “self”. One is more comfortable to you. One is congruent with how you see yourself, and how you’d like others to see you. One is less so. Since you are exploring the two, not committing to either option, you are free to catch a glimpse of who else you are.  Greater self acceptance is right around the corner.  Try it, and let me know how it works for you and what you discovered.

If you are looking for a non-verbal approach, stay tuned. Three-dimensional mapping involves more people in the process of looking at emotions or options, but less talk.   It is a great way to get a peek at why you’ve been chronically stuck. Resolution, Hellinger style, is the topic of the next blog.

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New Year’s Resolutions Revisited

New Year’s Resolutions Revisited

Many of us resolve to eat less, exercise more and visit with friends or family in the coming year. Bert Hellinger looks at resolution as a process that includes truth, order, and acceptance.

As an example, if I am overweight, through three-dimensional mapping we can set up my family of origin and see who could not take sustenance, and who I am loyally “helping” when I overeat. I can share my feelings of helplessness and deprivation with my ancestor who could not find regular work or food during the depression. That ancestor can tell me it was his fate, and not mine, so I am not “helping” anyone when I overindulge. He can tell me how life went on in spite of difficult times and how I am the product of that life. I can be reminded that by living well I honor him, and all my ancestors. In this way I see (and feel in my gut and my soul) that my overeating was done out of love, as well as a connection to those who came before me, and that there are better ways to love and honor my ancestors. In this way I can make sense of my overindulgence, and feel the strength of my family, instead of the emptiness of my belly.

So don’t be too hard on yourself if your getting to resolution is sluggish. Maybe the systemic nervous system of your family has a hand in the habit you’d like to reform, and maybe a wider lens is needed to understand just how your issue with weight, exercise, relationships, or success relates to love and loyalty. A constellation could be just the thing to bring you a new perspective and lasting resolution in the New Year, so happy 2011!

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